DEI Flights to NYC Not Going as Well as Planned! (Video)

Written by: Jason Mitchell.

In a world where airlines are already trying to sell us on the idea that paying extra for a seat that doesn’t recline is somehow a “privilege,” there comes a new twist in the friendly skies. Enter DEI Flights—where Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion take center stage, and customer satisfaction is just a distant memory. Yes, folks, DEI is no longer confined to corporate boardrooms or college campuses; it’s now being rolled out 30,000 feet above the ground, with all the grace of a lead balloon.

For those unfamiliar with this innovative concept, DEI Flights are a new initiative designed to showcase diversity in the most literal sense possible—by ensuring that every flight is a true melting pot of humanity. Sounds noble, right? The idea was to create an airborne utopia where people of all backgrounds could come together in harmony, sip their complimentary sodas, and maybe even make a few new friends along the way. Instead, what they got was an epic clash of cultures, egos, and armrest battles that have turned every flight into something more akin to a WWE Royal Rumble.

And if the in-flight brawls weren’t enough to sour your view of humanity, there’s the small matter of the planes themselves—many of which have had the unfortunate habit of crashing. Yes, it seems that when you take diversity to the skies, you’d better be prepared for a crash landing. But hey, at least they went down in the most inclusive way possible.

Fasten Your Seatbelts: Fights at 30,000 Feet

So, what exactly is going wrong with these flights? Well, it turns out that the whole “bringing people together” thing is a bit more complicated than the DEI masterminds anticipated. Instead of fostering understanding and mutual respect, these flights have become a battleground for every petty grievance you can imagine. It’s like a reality show, only with more turbulence and fewer commercial breaks.

Picture this: You’re seated next to someone who insists on manspreading like it’s an Olympic sport, while the person behind you spends the entire flight kicking the back of your seat because, apparently, their legs need to stretch more than yours do. And then, just when you think things can’t get any worse, the flight attendant comes by to serve the in-flight meal—a gluten-free, vegan, keto-friendly concoction that tastes like cardboard but costs as much as a decent steak dinner.

The result? A plane full of passengers who are about one passive-aggressive comment away from a full-blown fistfight. Throw in a few poorly timed announcements about “respecting everyone’s space,” and you’ve got the perfect recipe for airborne chaos. It’s no wonder these flights have become the stuff of legends—or at least of late-night comedy routines.

When Inclusion Goes South: The Great DEI Plane Crash Epidemic

Now, let’s talk about the elephant in the room—or rather, the jumbo jet in the room. Because while in-flight brawls are one thing, what’s really raising eyebrows (and blood pressure) are the crashes. Yes, despite all the feel-good rhetoric about inclusivity and togetherness, it seems that these DEI Flights have a nasty habit of going down in flames—literally.

You see, in their rush to prove that diversity is more important than, say, competence, the DEI organizers have made some questionable hiring decisions. Like, for example, putting a pilot in the cockpit whose only experience with airplanes was playing Flight Simulator on his Xbox. Or hiring a co-pilot who thought “autopilot” meant taking a nap while the plane flies itself. The result? Well, let’s just say that the black boxes recovered from these crashes are more like “diversity time capsules,” filled with the last confused words of crew members who clearly should have been paying more attention to their training manuals.

But don’t worry—the airline industry assures us that these are just “growing pains” and that with a little more time, DEI Flights will be as safe as any other. Of course, that’s cold comfort to the passengers who’ve had to deploy the emergency slides and evacuate a burning aircraft, but hey, at least they can take solace in the fact that their fiery descent was the most inclusive crash ever.

Our Take

Now, we’re all for diversity, equity, and inclusion—in theory. But there’s a reason why the saying goes, “Too many cooks spoil the broth.” When it comes to air travel, maybe, just maybe, we should prioritize things like experience and competency over ticking off every diversity box. After all, when you’re hurtling through the air at 600 miles per hour, the last thing you want to hear is that your pilot was hired because of a commitment to inclusivity, not because they actually know how to fly a plane.

So, while DEI Flights might have started with the best of intentions, it’s pretty clear that the execution has been a disaster—literally. It turns out that when you mix too many ingredients together without a clear recipe, the whole thing goes up in flames. And while we can all appreciate the effort to create a more inclusive world, maybe we should keep our feet on the ground until someone figures out how to do it without crashing planes.

In the meantime, if you find yourself booked on one of these flights, we’d suggest brushing up on your hand-to-hand combat skills, packing a parachute, and maybe saying a little prayer before takeoff. You know, just in case.