Written by Benjamin Cross.
In a spectacle that could only be described as straight out of a poorly written horror novel, Vice President Kamala Harris addressed an enthusiastic crowd in what some are now calling the “Mirrorless Rally.” According to eyewitnesses—and by “eyewitnesses,” we mean those brave enough to check—none of the attendees cast reflections. Yes, that’s right, not a single one. Cameras, mirrors, even the shiny new electric cars parked nearby, all mysteriously failed to show any trace of the exuberant crowd.
Eyewitness accounts describe a scene that could rival any midnight showing of “Dracula.” As Harris spoke passionately about the need for unity, equality, and something about a bridge to the future, the audience’s response was anything but transparent—literally. The local news stations covering the event had to resort to archive footage of random crowds because, apparently, no one at the rally was photogenic enough to appear on screen. It’s almost as if the entire audience decided to partake in an extreme version of the “no makeup” challenge. Or, you know, they just happened to be a gaggle of vampires.
Reflections on the Unreflective
The White House has yet to comment on the curious phenomenon, though a few anonymous sources suggested that the rally was part of a broader initiative to increase “visibility” in marginalized communities. Ironically, this particular crowd seems to have taken that directive to the extreme. Maybe they thought the best way to avoid being overlooked was to become completely unseeable. Bold move, but one that leaves us with more questions than answers.
Political pundits are having a field day with this one, speculating whether the absence of reflections is a metaphor for the current administration’s transparency—or lack thereof. Others wonder if this is just a case of Harris’s supporters being so devoted that they’ve transcended the need for physical form, becoming mere shadows of their former selves. The implications are staggering. What does it mean for democracy if our leaders’ supporters are literally invisible? Is this the next phase of political evolution, or just a sign that maybe, just maybe, we’re all taking this a little too seriously?
Vampires: The New Voting Bloc?
As the dust settles—or in this case, as the mirrors continue to gather it—questions abound. If Harris’s rally-goers are indeed vampires, what does that mean for the upcoming elections? Will polling stations need to be equipped with garlic and crucifixes? Will there be a sudden surge in absentee ballots submitted at night? And perhaps most importantly, is the DNC courting a new, nocturnal demographic in its quest to maintain power?
It’s a strange new world we live in, where undead voters might just be the key to winning the swing states. Harris’s team, of course, denies any knowledge of their audience’s supernatural nature, but insiders report a sudden spike in orders for sunblock and sunglasses at campaign HQ. Coincidence? Perhaps. But in the age of political theater, sometimes the script writes itself.
Our Take
Let’s be honest, the idea of vampires showing up to support a politician is both hilarious and terrifying. On one hand, it’s a refreshing change from the usual rally of overly enthusiastic, overly caffeinated, sign-waving humans. On the other, the implications are downright scary. If vampires are getting involved in politics, what’s next? Werewolves running for Congress? Zombies lobbying for healthcare reform? The line between reality and fiction is blurring faster than you can say “bloodsucker.”
But here’s the real issue: this is bad for the public. We’re already living in a time when truth and fiction are harder to distinguish than ever. Throwing vampires into the mix is only going to confuse things further. It’s one thing to have shadowy figures pulling the strings behind the scenes; it’s another to have them literally be shadows. The last thing we need is a political landscape where you need a silver bullet and a wooden stake just to cast your vote.
So, next time you’re at a rally, do yourself a favor—bring a mirror. You never know who (or what) might be standing next to you.
