Written by Samuel Gardner.
In a shocking revelation that caught absolutely no one by surprise, Vice President Kamala Harris admitted to what we all suspected: she did nothing during her tenure as Vice President. But don’t worry, America—she promises that if given the opportunity to sit in the big chair at the Oval Office, she’ll do something. What that “something” is remains as vague as a Biden teleprompter speech, but hey, at least it’s an upgrade from nothing, right?
Harris’s bold declaration came during a press conference that was supposed to be about, well, no one really knows. Perhaps it was about the economy, or climate change, or maybe it was just another one of those moments where words happen, and we’re all expected to nod along like it makes sense. But amidst the rambling, Harris made her stunning proclamation: “As Vice President, I did nothing. But as President, I’ll do something.” The room fell silent. Journalists were too stunned to ask, “What exactly is that something?” Maybe they were too scared to find out.
But let’s be fair—doing nothing as Vice President is an impressive feat in its own right. It takes a special kind of talent to stay in the shadows, avoiding both credit and blame, while somehow managing to rise even higher in the ranks. Now, with her eyes on the presidency, Harris is ready to change gears. The nation can hardly wait to see what this mysterious “something” will entail.
A Presidential “To-Do List”: Harris’s Plans to Move from Nothing to Something
Now that Harris has promised to do something, the big question on everyone’s mind is: what will it be? If her track record as Vice President is anything to go by, expectations should be managed accordingly. But let’s take a wild guess at what her “To-Do List” as President might include.
First on the list: probably something symbolic and non-controversial, like planting a tree or renaming a post office. You know, the kind of thing that looks good in a photo op but doesn’t require much follow-through. After all, doing nothing was working out pretty well, so why rock the boat?
Next up, Harris might tackle the real tough issues—like ensuring everyone uses the correct pronouns. That’s the kind of hard-hitting policy that will surely unite the nation. Forget about inflation, border security, or national debt. Pronouns are where the real action is, folks.
And let’s not overlook her potential to “do something” about climate change. Sure, the Green New Deal might have tanked, but who needs specifics when you can just declare that you’re doing something? Maybe Harris will start with banning plastic straws, followed by a heartfelt Twitter post about the evils of plastic bags. That should fix things, right?
The Harris Doctrine: When “Doing Something” Means Doing the Bare Minimum
As the nation braces for a potential Harris presidency, it’s worth pondering what “doing something” really means in the world of modern politics. If Harris’s Vice Presidential tenure is any indication, we’re looking at a whole lot of nothing dressed up as something.
Harris’s strategy of doing the bare minimum has worked wonders for her so far. As Vice President, she managed to avoid any real responsibility, while still maintaining the illusion of importance. Now, as she eyes the presidency, she’s hoping to continue that streak with a new twist: pretend to do something, while actually still doing nothing. It’s a genius move, really. Why solve problems when you can just appear to care about them?
So what can America expect from a President Harris? A lot of speeches about “doing something,” followed by… not much else. It’s a formula that’s worked in politics for decades, and Harris seems poised to perfect it. The nation may be in crisis, but at least we’ll have a president who promises to do something about it—even if that something turns out to be nothing at all.
Our Take
Kamala Harris’s bold statement that she will “do something” as President might sound reassuring at first glance, but let’s not kid ourselves—this is the same Vice President who excelled at doing nothing. While “something” is technically more than nothing, it’s not exactly the strong leadership America needs. If Harris’s presidency is as vague and directionless as her Vice Presidency, we’re in for a lot of empty promises and not much else. But hey, at least she’s consistent.
