Written by Caleb Anderson.
Vice President Kamala Harris recently appeared on CNN with an unusual guest by her side—an emotional support communist. As Harris prepared to face the grueling, hard-hitting questions we’ve all come to expect from CNN (cue sarcasm), she decided she needed some backup. And what better choice than a communist? After all, who better to remind her that government overreach is, in fact, a virtue?
Clad in a chic, proletariat-red suit, the emotional support communist stood dutifully beside Harris, occasionally whispering sweet nothings about collectivization into her ear. With every softball question lobbed her way, Harris would glance at her comrade, who would nod approvingly, reassuring her that she was indeed on the right side of history—right before offering her a state-approved cookie. Rumor has it, the cookies were made from the finest state-run bakeries in the Motherland.
Harris, who has often been criticized for her incoherent rambling and tendency to cackle at inappropriate moments, appeared remarkably composed during the interview. Perhaps it was the calming presence of her communist companion, or maybe it was the thought of redistributing wealth that brought a serene smile to her face. Either way, it’s safe to say this groundbreaking emotional support strategy could be a trendsetter for politicians everywhere.
CNN Host Stunned by Vice President’s Unique Support System
The CNN host, who was probably expecting a more traditional interview (or at least a glass of Chardonnay backstage), was visibly taken aback by the presence of Harris’s ideological sidekick. “Uh, Madam Vice President,” stammered the host, “Can you explain why you’ve brought a…communist to this interview?”
Harris, ever the professional, responded with her signature laugh—a sound that could best be described as a mix between a hyena and a malfunctioning blender. “Well, I just felt that, in these trying times, it’s important to have someone by my side who understands the struggles of the working class,” she said, with all the conviction of someone who hasn’t seen the inside of a Walmart in decades.
The host, clearly unsure how to proceed, tried to steer the conversation back to the usual safe topics: climate change, healthcare, and why capitalism is bad (while conveniently forgetting the network’s own corporate ties). But each time Harris seemed to falter, her trusty communist would lean in and whisper a soothing phrase like “The workers will rise” or “Down with the bourgeoisie,” immediately restoring her confidence. It was almost like watching a bizarre political therapy session unfold in real-time.
Of course, the internet had a field day with the whole ordeal. Memes of Harris clutching her communist like a toddler with a teddy bear flooded social media, proving once again that the internet remains undefeated in its quest for satire.
Emotional Support Communism: The Next Big Thing?
In a world where emotional support animals are becoming increasingly popular, could emotional support communism be the next big trend? If Harris’s CNN appearance is anything to go by, it’s entirely possible. After all, why stop at just a furry companion when you can have an entire ideology to comfort you during stressful situations?
Think about it: Emotional support communists could be deployed at campaign rallies, press conferences, and even Senate hearings. Feeling nervous about that upcoming debate? Just bring your emotional support Marxist to remind you that individual success is overrated, and the collective is all that matters. Worried about being confronted by pesky facts and logic? No problem—your emotional support comrade will be there to assure you that truth is merely a social construct.
But let’s be honest—Harris’s reliance on an emotional support communist says more about the state of American politics than anything else. When our leaders need ideological crutches to make it through interviews, it’s a sign that something has gone seriously off the rails. Maybe, just maybe, it’s time we rethink who we’re putting in charge of this whole democracy thing. Or, you know, we could all just grab our own emotional support communists and hope for the best.
Our Take
The spectacle of Kamala Harris needing an emotional support communist for a CNN interview is peak 2024, encapsulating the absurdity of modern politics. While it’s easy to laugh at the bizarre nature of the situation, it’s also a stark reminder of how out-of-touch some of our leaders have become. If politicians require emotional and ideological backup just to face a few softball questions, what does that say about their ability to lead a nation? Perhaps it’s time we demand more from our elected officials—like the ability to think for themselves. Until then, we can only hope that emotional support communism doesn’t become a prerequisite for holding public office.
