Written by Joshua Daniels.
In an ironic twist that no one saw coming—except maybe Mexico—our southern neighbors have officially announced plans to build a border wall, and it’s not to keep migrants out. Oh no, this wall is designed to keep Americans from flooding across the border in the event of a Kamala Harris presidential victory. You can almost hear the construction trucks revving up as millions of Americans, gripped with fear at the thought of a Harris administration, start Googling “best tacos in Mexico.”
According to sources close to the Mexican government, officials have been watching with growing concern as U.S. citizens increasingly express their desire to “seek political asylum” in Mexico. The number of inquiries reportedly skyrocketed the moment Kamala Harris was mentioned as a potential 2024 frontrunner. And while Mexico is well-versed in U.S. political dysfunction, they never expected to be building a wall to keep Americans out. What’s next? Canadian immigration reform to stop an influx of desperate American refugees?
The wall’s construction, set to begin immediately, will be 30 feet tall, solar-powered, and probably much more efficient than anything the U.S. government could ever pull off. The irony of the situation isn’t lost on Mexican officials, who are reportedly snickering at the thought of reversing decades of migration trends, as they prepare to repel waves of political refugees looking to escape Harris’ potential policies.
The Exodus: Why Americans Are Eyeing the Southern Border
The prospect of a Kamala Harris presidency has sent shockwaves through the American public, particularly those who thought Joe Biden’s presidency was already the worst-case scenario. Some fear another four years of government overreach, while others just don’t want to endure the infamous Harris laugh on a global stage. Either way, the chatter about moving south of the border is no longer just a joke—it’s turning into a full-blown movement.
Mexico has long been a hot spot for adventurous retirees, expats, and college students looking for cheap spring break destinations, but the thought of permanent American migration wasn’t on the radar—until now. With social media buzzing about how to apply for Mexican residency, the country has seen a sudden uptick in U.S. citizens planning their “Harris escape route.” Americans are apparently ready to swap out their red, white, and blue for a more verde lifestyle.
Reports suggest that affluent Americans are already buying up beachfront properties in Cancún and Puerto Vallarta, while those with more modest means are looking into starting food trucks in Mexico City or learning how to make guacamole for a living. It’s the American Dream… south of the border.
Mexico Responds: Build the Wall to Save the Tacos!
Mexico, however, has other ideas. Rather than welcome a flood of fleeing Americans with open arms, the Mexican government has decided that enough is enough. After decades of watching Americans treat their country like an all-you-can-eat buffet of cheap vacations and easy real estate, they’re putting their foot down—quite literally—on the construction of a wall.
“We cannot handle the influx of Americans trying to escape their own problems,” a high-ranking Mexican official said, likely while sipping a margarita and trying to suppress a laugh. “If Kamala Harris wins, that’s their problem. We don’t want our country overrun with taco-eating gringos looking for a quick fix.”
The construction plans for the border wall include features that would deter even the most determined American escapees. In addition to its towering height, the wall will feature state-of-the-art technology that identifies and rejects anyone wearing Birkenstocks, Hawaiian shirts, or attempting to pay with Apple Pay. For those who manage to make it past the initial barriers, there will also be a strict vetting process involving questions like, “Can you name three Mexican holidays that don’t involve tequila?”
Mexico’s decision to build the wall has caused quite the stir, especially among liberal Americans who were once adamant about tearing down Trump’s wall. Now faced with their own country trying to flee, they’ve suddenly found themselves on the wrong side of history—and geography.
Our Take
The situation has left Americans scratching their heads, trying to figure out how it all went so wrong. The idea that Mexico would be building a wall to keep us out is a stunning reversal of roles that would be funny if it weren’t so tragic. The Harris administration hasn’t even happened yet, and already the international community is preparing for the worst—by ensuring that U.S. citizens stay exactly where they belong: in the U.S.
This isn’t just bad for the public, it’s a national embarrassment. When your political leadership drives people to seriously consider fleeing to another country—one that’s actively building a wall to stop them—you know there’s a problem. Maybe instead of focusing on how to run away from our problems, we should start thinking about how to fix them. But until then, good luck getting past Mexico’s new border wall—unless you’ve mastered the art of hopping a fence while juggling tacos.
