Emaciated North Koreans Pilot Paper Airplane at Olympics. Set World Record! (Video)

Written by James Hollingsworth.

North Korea has once again proven that less is more—especially when it comes to body mass. At the recent Olympic Games, a team of North Korean athletes managed to set a new world record by piloting a paper airplane across the stadium, a feat that left spectators both awed and perplexed.

Witnesses reported the athletes, who appeared visibly undernourished, mustered what little energy they had to launch the delicate craft. The paper airplane, a marvel of minimalism, soared gracefully, gliding on the hopes and dreams of a nation known for its strict dietary regime. It was a sight to behold, akin to watching a feather float in a breeze, only this feather had a nation’s pride attached to it.

Experts are baffled but impressed. How did these athletes, on a diet seemingly inspired by an intermittent fasting guidebook, manage such precision and strength? It seems North Korea’s strategy of combining extreme caloric restriction with a focus on lightweight materials paid off in spades. No one saw it coming, and that’s precisely what makes it revolutionary—or a cry for help.

The Science Behind the Starvation: A New Training Regime

In the spirit of innovation, North Korea has introduced a groundbreaking training regime that defies conventional wisdom. While other nations pump their athletes full of protein shakes and complex carbs, North Korea has taken a different route: starvation. The emaciated frames of their athletes are not the result of poor planning but a meticulously crafted strategy.

According to the regime’s official statement, the athletes’ minimal body mass reduces air resistance, allowing for greater efficiency and aerodynamic performance. The science is, frankly, dubious at best, but you can’t argue with results. The paper airplane glided across the stadium like a kite in a windstorm, driven by the sheer willpower of its skeletal pilots.

Nutritionists around the world are scratching their heads. “It’s an approach that flies in the face of everything we know about athletic training,” says Dr. Linda Green, a renowned sports dietitian. “But then again, North Korea has always played by its own rules.” Indeed, this latest stunt seems less like a genuine athletic achievement and more like an elaborate piece of performance art.

Paper Airplanes: The Future of Olympic Sports?

In a bizarre twist, the International Olympic Committee is now considering the inclusion of paper airplane piloting as a permanent event. This move is seen as a nod to North Korea’s innovation and a way to level the playing field—literally. With fewer resources required, nations with less wealth could finally compete on an equal footing, provided they can stomach the North Korean diet plan.

Critics argue that this is a slippery slope. What’s next? Competitive paperclip bending? Speedy shoelace tying? The absurdity of it all isn’t lost on anyone, but there’s a certain charm to the simplicity of it. In an era where technology and doping scandals dominate the headlines, there’s something refreshing about a sport that requires nothing more than a piece of paper and a dream.

Yet, the ethical implications can’t be ignored. By rewarding North Korea’s dubious methods, are we not endorsing a regime that prioritizes propaganda over the well-being of its citizens? The athletes’ gaunt faces and fragile frames are a stark reminder of the human cost of these so-called victories. The world watches, bemused but also concerned, as we ponder the true price of North Korea’s paper airplane triumph.

Our Take

Let’s cut to the chase: North Korea’s latest Olympic “achievement” is a masterclass in irony. The fact that an emaciated team can set a world record with a paper airplane is both hilarious and horrifying. It’s a stark reminder that the lengths to which this regime will go to prove a point know no bounds. While it’s easy to chuckle at the absurdity, we must also recognize the grim reality it represents.

Rewarding such antics risks normalizing extreme deprivation as a legitimate means to an end. The Olympic Games are meant to celebrate the pinnacle of human athleticism, not the ingenuity of those who can endure starvation. This spectacle, while entertaining in its absurdity, highlights a troubling trend. We should be celebrating athletes for their strength, skill, and health—not their ability to survive on next to nothing.

In conclusion, North Korea’s paper airplane escapade is a darkly comic, yet deeply troubling, reminder of the regime’s relentless pursuit of global recognition. It’s time we acknowledge the human cost of these stunts and push for a more ethical approach to international competition.