Written by Benjamin Collins.
In a story that reads more like a sitcom than a survival tale, a hiker lost for two weeks in the rugged wilderness of Montana decided that answering calls from unknown numbers was beneath him. John, a 34-year-old self-proclaimed adventurer, set out on what was supposed to be a brief, soul-searching hike through the forest. But fate—or perhaps a profound lack of GPS skills—had other plans.
After failing to return home on schedule, John’s family reported him missing. Search and rescue teams mobilized, sending helicopters, search dogs, and a small army of volunteers into the dense woods. Their efforts were heroic, their spirits high. Yet, despite all this, John’s phone remained conspicuously silent. Rescuers repeatedly tried to reach him, only to be sent straight to voicemail. Little did they know, John was alive and well, blissfully unaware that the persistent unknown numbers were his would-be saviors.
When interviewed, John’s response to this ordeal was nothing short of extraordinary. “I thought it was telemarketers,” he said. “I didn’t survive a week on wild berries and creek water just to be sold a timeshare.” One could almost hear the collective facepalm of the entire rescue team.
Nature vs. Caller ID
The modern world has conditioned us to avoid unknown numbers like the plague, but John took this societal norm to a whole new level. While the rest of us might have ignored a call or two from an unknown number, John was missing in action—literally. The irony of his situation was lost on no one, except perhaps John himself.
When questioned about his thought process, John elaborated, “I had my priorities. Finding water, shelter, and food. Unknown numbers weren’t on my survival checklist.” In a sense, he’s not wrong. Survival guides do emphasize the importance of basic necessities, though none explicitly mention avoiding unknown callers.
Experts weighed in on John’s actions, some calling him a modern-day Thoreau, others less flattering comparisons to reality TV show contestants. “It’s a remarkable case,” said Dr. Emily Grant, a psychologist specializing in human behavior. “It shows how deeply ingrained our aversion to unknown numbers has become. Even in life-or-death situations, our brains default to ignoring what we don’t recognize.”
The Rescue, Finally
It wasn’t until a savvy rescue coordinator decided to text John instead of calling that he finally responded. The text read, “Hey, it’s not a telemarketer. We’re here to save you. Please answer the phone.” To this, John replied almost immediately, “Oh, thank God. I was starting to run out of battery.”
John’s eventual rescue was met with relief and a fair amount of frustration. The rescue team, tired and undoubtedly confused, managed to extract him from his makeshift campsite. He was in surprisingly good health, thanks in no small part to his meticulous nature regarding unknown numbers.
Upon his return, John was greeted with mixed reactions. Friends and family were ecstatic to see him alive, albeit bemused by his reasoning. Social media, as expected, had a field day. Memes and hashtags like #RescueScreening and #TelemarketerTerror began trending almost immediately.
Our Take
It’s hard to decide whether to laugh or cry at John’s ordeal. On one hand, his commitment to avoiding unknown numbers is impressively stubborn; on the other, it’s a stark reminder of how our modern habits can backfire in the most unexpected ways. This is bad for the public because it highlights a growing disconnect between our instincts and practical survival skills.
In an age where technology is supposed to bring us closer, it ironically managed to keep John lost. So next time your phone rings with an unknown number, remember John’s tale. It might just save your life—or at the very least, your sanity.
