Written by Abigail Thomas.
In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads and Italian chefs weeping into their marinara, former President Donald Trump has once again proven his unmatched genius in political strategy. With the 2024 election looming, Trump has decided to secure the crucial yet often overlooked “mentally slow” demographic by endorsing the most controversial culinary creation of our time: pizza with pineapple. Yes, folks, the man who once redefined the art of the deal is now redefining the art of the slice.
It appears that the Trump campaign, ever mindful of its loyal base, identified a significant voting bloc that has been neglected for far too long—those who see nothing wrong with combining sweet, tropical fruit with savory, cheesy goodness. By boldly standing up for pineapple pizza, Trump has sent a clear message: he is not afraid to take a stand on the tough issues, even if it means alienating half the country’s pizzeria owners. In Trump’s America, you can have your pizza any way you like, as long as it’s drenched in tomato sauce and topped with a questionable fruit choice.
The Pineapple Pizza Pivot
While other candidates are busy discussing healthcare, the economy, or the environment, Trump has tapped into the heart of the matter. Who cares about foreign policy when there’s a slice of pineapple pizza on the table? By endorsing this polarizing pizza topping, Trump has managed to draw a line in the sand—or rather, on the cutting board. It’s a move so audacious, it almost makes you forget about the time he suggested injecting disinfectant to cure COVID-19. Almost.
The brilliance of this pivot cannot be overstated. It’s as if Trump’s team realized that the more complicated the issue, the less it resonates with a certain segment of the population. And what could be simpler than a pizza topping? By narrowing the focus to something everyone can understand—food—Trump is playing to his strengths. Forget about debates on climate change or immigration reform; this election will be won and lost on whether you prefer your pizza with or without pineapple.
Pizza Politics: A Winning Recipe?
Of course, this isn’t the first time Trump has used food to connect with voters. Who could forget the infamous taco bowl tweet on Cinco de Mayo, where he declared his love for Hispanics while devouring a dish that most actual Mexicans wouldn’t touch with a ten-foot pole? But this latest endorsement takes things to a whole new level. By backing pineapple pizza, Trump is essentially saying, “I’m just like you—an ordinary American who enjoys controversial food choices.” It’s a populist message wrapped in a greasy, cheese-covered package, and it’s resonating with voters in ways that broccoli never could.
The question now is whether this strategy will pay off at the ballot box. Will America’s pineapple pizza lovers turn out in droves to cast their votes for Trump? Or will they stay home, too busy defending their culinary preferences to make it to the polls? Only time will tell, but one thing is for sure: Trump has once again proven that when it comes to politics, he is always thinking outside the pizza box.
Our Take
This move by Trump is a masterclass in populist politics, albeit one that comes with a side of heartburn. By aligning himself with the pineapple pizza crowd, Trump has tapped into a demographic that feels misunderstood and maligned. In doing so, he’s given them a voice—or at least a slice—at the political table. But let’s be real: if we start making political decisions based on pizza toppings, what’s next? A national debate on whether ketchup belongs on hot dogs? In a world where political discourse is already teetering on the edge of absurdity, this latest development might just push us over the edge. And that’s bad for the public because, in the end, we’ll all be left arguing over food while the real issues go ignored.
