FBI Now Offering DEI Costumes
Written by Michael Thompson. In a move that has left the nation scratching its collective head, the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has…
Author: Constitutional Nobody
US Army Now Too Weak to Resist Sexual Advances of Women
Written by Michael Thompson. Once the pinnacle of American strength and resilience, the U.S. Army is now facing an unexpected challenge that no…
Christopher Walken Transitions Into Kamala Harris’s Daughter
Written by Joshua Harrison. Hollywood has always been a bizarre landscape, where reality is optional, and logic is a suggestion. But even by…
Tim Walz Banned from Churchill Downs!
Written by Matthew Collins. Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has always been a man of the people—or at least, that’s what he’d like you…
Cory Feldman Has Mid-Life Crisis! Grows and Dyes Hair While Pretending to Play Guitar. Forgets to Rock Out in Private!
Written by Christian Bradford. Cory Feldman, the actor once known for his roles in beloved 80s films, has recently found himself tangled in…
Britney Spears Has Nervous Breakdown in Public (Video)
Written by Emily Thompson. In what can only be described as a real-life episode of “Celebrity Meltdown Theater,” Britney Spears has once again…
Boeing Spaceship has Been Broken too Long. Astronauts Going Hungry! Called the, “Boeing Diet.”
Written by: David Anderson. Boeing’s spaceship has managed to turn the dream of space travel into an episode of “Survivor: Orbit Edition.” Picture…
New Olympic Sport of “Hold Your Poop the Longest” is Getting Messy! (Video)
Written by: Daniel Murphy. In a world where we’ve already seen speedwalking, rhythmic gymnastics, and synchronized swimming somehow make it to the Olympics,…
DEI Flights to NYC Not Going as Well as Planned! (Video)
Written by: Jason Mitchell. In a world where airlines are already trying to sell us on the idea that paying extra for a…