Liberals Insist on Public Nudity, Claims “The Children Want It!”
Written by Jacob Matthews. In a move that can only be described as peak liberal logic, a local parent has decided that the…
Category: News
News
Tim Walz Opts Out of Rodeo Debate with JD Vance, Citing Concerns Over Potential Romantic Entanglements!
Written by Jonathan Matthews. In a move that surprised no one and amused everyone, Minnesota Governor Tim Walz has gracefully declined an invitation…
CDC Begins Drive-Through Monkeypox Testing!
Written by Matthew Goodwin. You thought drive-thru COVID tests were invasive? Well, hold onto your steering wheel because Monkeypox testing just took a…
Trump Secures Votes with Retarded People by Endorsing Pizza with Pineapple
Written by Abigail Thomas. In a move that has left political pundits scratching their heads and Italian chefs weeping into their marinara, former…
CDC Releases Guidelines to Prevent Monkeypox from Spreading.
Written by Stephen Collins. In what can only be described as a bold new frontier in public health guidance, the Centers for Disease…
Rachel Gunn Accidentally Competes in Olympic Breakdancing, Was Actually Training for Special Olympics
Written by David Mitchell. In what can only be described as the most spectacular mix-up since the 2020 election recounts, Rachel Gunn, a…
Gorilla Saves the Day After DEI Pilots Confess: “We’re Not Qualified to Fly”
Written by Johnathan Michaels. In an unexpected twist that could only happen in the age of “woke” hiring practices, a gorilla has stepped…
Trump Beefs Up to Show Democrats What a Real Insurrection Looks Like.
Written by Caleb Anderson. In a move that left his critics reeling and his supporters cheering, Donald Trump has apparently decided to take…
Netflix Launches Documentary About Greta Thunberg
Written by Jonathan Miles. In what can only be described as a groundbreaking attempt to redefine history, Netflix has launched a new documentary…